Ok, calm down, I not promoting that everyone should be single, because I truly believe that there is always someone out there who is the other piece of the puzzle to help make you feel complete. What I am going to be getting into is how your mindset, habits and self-identity can get slowly eroded when in a relationship.
We have all been there, you get into a relationship, living a certain lifestyle and then over time find that things have slowly changed without even realising it. You look in the mirror, confused because the person looking back at you is someone you don’t recognise. In your mind, you feel that nothing’s changed but your actions speak differently.
You’ve stopped being you, no more spontaneous nights out with friends, no more experiencing new things, self-development has stopped and as we know, your body is starting to feel, well, soft leaving you with the question of; how did I get here? Or thinking ‘fucking washing machine has shrunk my jeans again’
You see, when getting into a relationship it is all sunshine and rainbows at the start, giving you that feeling of excitement, passion and enjoyment aka serotonin & oxytocin which you will do anything to hold on to.
And here comes compromise… everyone will need to compromise something but to what extent do you compromise? And are you fully aware of what you’re sacrificing for that one person, Are they worth it??
The more you compromise in a relationship, the more you are removing tiny little pieces of your self-identity.
To start off you build yourself into this unstoppable force, you work your butt off to become the best version of yourself, drop-dead gorgeous, to be in with a chance to meet ‘the one’. After searching and searching you finally find someone who just might be, then you stop trying, you stop being the best version of yourself because simply…you don’t need to be, you’ve found the one, what’s the point in breaking your back to look, feel and be amazing.
Don’t get me wrong girls, I am not just aiming this at you. Guys are guilty of doing this as much as you. The first truthful reason I got into the health and fitness lifestyle was to allow me to improve my appearance and help me attract the females. Eventually it paid off and I did find that girl, without seeing it, my habits started to change. I stopped working on myself, started to miss a few of my training sessions, allowed myself to eat out a lot more, spending all my weekends with her and removing myself from my friends and forgetting that I had my own life to live too.
Well it came crashing to an end leaving me sat, lost in thought of what now? I had to try and remember how to think for myself, to be ok with my own company and remove the thought of ‘maybe I wasn’t good enough’ and start to rebuild my self-worth.
Break through moment…
When I became single, I started working on myself again. Doing things that I wanted to benefit me there and then, but to also help create a better future for me, myself and I. If I didn’t get dumped, I don’t think I would be where I am now, and I can honestly say I am happy with the direction my life is going.
Now, we are taught as children not to be selfish, and we should put others needs in front of our own.
Well fuck that!
Another person can add to your amazing life but they can’t make your life amazing. You need to create that yourself, and this can be from taking full control and responsibility. So, home truth, you are where you are in life now and that’s your fault. Take that as a positive or a negative. If your life is great then that is your fault, if your life sucks, well then that is your fault too. You make every decision, create every thought and perform every action which has got you to right now.
Getting back to the subject, I watched a good film a couple of weeks ago called ‘How to be single’ I do love a good chick flick now and again! Anyway, the film basically laid out the principle that you can’t find out your true self, your real meaning in life when you’re living someone else’s life i.e. being in a relationship.
Being single allows you the freedom to do whatever your heart desires, to find out who you really are, what your self-worth is, what your true desires are and what really turns you off.
Personally, I don’t think you can discover your true identity until you’ve spent time on your own… and with Valentine’s Day come and gone, for all of you that are single, do not fret. You have the chance to take full responsibility of your life and make it to what your heart desires.
We have one life and yes, we all deserve to find the one, but we should also make sure we are living the life we want. You don’t get a second chance, so embrace being single and make the most of it. You’ll be amazed with what you might discover about yourself.